In news that even Cold Pizza is too credible to cover, Dolphins DE Jason Taylor is involved in a lover’s quarrel with team vice president Bill Parcells over dancing. Mr. Male Model Taylor has been involved in the hit television show Dancing with the Stars, thus expanding his audience from out of shape male couch potatoes to include out of shape female couch potatoes. Parcells, a real blood ‘n guts kind of guy, is understandably a little piqued by Taylor’s toe-shoes and tutus routine.  Jason, dude, this dancing thing is all well and good for a retired player like Jerry Rice, but at least put your Hollywood career as the next Brian Bosworth on hold until you’re done with football. Leave the dancing to the utterly hilarious, such as Brian Urlacher mocking Chad Johnson. That dude has smarts, moves, and a keen eye for psychological warfare. You’re a model for Neutrogena. Man up. You were NFL Defensive Player of the Year in 2006, for Pete's sake!

If you’re a Hillary Clinton supporter who’s into labor disputes, the team owners opting to pull out of the Collective Bargaining Agreement after 2010 is the most exciting thing to happen since Sally Field won the best actress Oscar for Norma Rae.  For those of you who have lives (alas, I do not), I’ll break it down quickly: 2006 labor deal signed under the gun; owners disgruntled only two years later; owners back out of deal; 2010 season could occur without a salary cap; 2011 would have no draft. At that point, it’s dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria! Believe me, it’s 10 times more tedious than it sounds. The bottom line is that both jerks in suits and reporters will get their undies in a twist, and football will continue with no one the wiser.

Cowboys cornerback Rain Man, pardon me, “Pac Man” Jones is also making headlines, albeit in a “will he or won’t he” be fully reinstated way.  Currently, reinstatement appears likely, as Pac Man is being allowed to play in the pre-season, with a final decision to come later. Look, Titans owner Bud Adams is a respected figure in the NFL (except in Houston where he’s hung in effigy), but he’s not one of those owners that has stroke with the league. Fortunately for Pac Man, he was traded to the Dallas Cowboys, who are owned by the big dog of the NFL owners’ group, Jerry Jones. Jones and his new billion dollar stadium will clean this mess right up, and Pac Man will be back in uniform before the start of the season. As an added bonus, the Cowboys are looking to Terrell Owens to be Jones’ mentor. Hell, why not just let Jones bunk with Tank Johnson at training camp? They can start a gun club together. This will end badly, sports fans.

Speaking of guns, the news that Colts receiver Marvin Harrison is being investigated in a shooting came completely out of the blue. For real? Starvin’ Marvin? The guy never said “boo” in over ten years in the league, and now he is on the hook for shooting someone?! It’s always the quiet ones. In his defense, Harrison is probably just hacked off that his career may be over. Just two years ago, the guy was the best receiver in the league, and now he has two shot knees and is staring down the barrel (pun intended) of jail time. What a weird, random world this is. Hopefully his Hall of Fame induction doesn’t come over the phone, through bullet proof glass. That would be a sad end to a great career.

So how does all of this news help you in the fall? Well, the salary cap story is more of a diversionary oddity, unless no new labor deal is worked out and the league goes Wild West in 2010. It has no bearing on your choice between Joseph Addai and Brian Westbrook with the third overall pick this year. In 2010? Well, that's a whole new can of worms. The Colts went through almost an entire season without Harrison, and it didn’t seem to slow them down very much. If anything, it vaulted Reggie Wayne into the elite WR category and jump-started Anthony Gonzalez’s career. Look for young Gonzo to really step it up this year after he spends a summer shagging balls at Peyton Manning’s passing camp. The acquisition of Pac Man fills a gaping hole in the Cowboys secondary and should vastly improve their turnover ratio, which wasn’t so hot in ’07. Add increased turnover numbers to the Cowboys big time sack totals, and they vault into the elite category of fantasy defenses. Take ‘em relatively early, within reason of course. And if you’re thinking about drafting the Dolphins defense this year, you need more help than this column can provide. 

Enjoy the rest of your summer. Training camp is right around the corner.

When not working to improve his tan level from ghost-like to pasty, Mike Gilbert can be found improving your life through music at Booming Din. Lovers, haters, and collection agencies can contact him via This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Comments (0)

Subscribe to this comment's feed