The Pickup Artist rekindles some old flames in preparation for the fantasy playoffs.
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but over the past 12 weeks, The Pickup Artist has managed to hook you up with fresh blood each and every time. That's right. Of the 110 beauties (okay, so some were pretty ugly) I've recommended this season, the artist hasn't doubled-dipped a single time. That's pretty impressive.
But this has never been about me. It's about you and your quest to bring home the hardware. So, as the fantasy playoffs draw near, it's time to drop a line on some players who were once on the artist's radar, but who have since been left for dead. Nicks and bruises, depth chart shuffles, and just plain old stinkers have transformed these former flames into lames, but that doesn't negate the fact that they might still have value for that all--important playoff run.
QB
"Excuse me, I'm from the FBI and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position."
Matt Hasselbeck (SEA)
If you're looking for me to assume your backup/second QB position in deep leagues or leagues that start two, investigate this: Over the next four weeks, I'll be facing opponents who have given up a combined 65 passing TDs in 2008 (1.5 passing TDs per game). That's right. Dallas, New England, St. Louis, and the New York Jets are all ranked in the bottom half of the NFL in passing TDs allowed per game. And with the exception of the Cowboys, those teams are also ranked in the bottom half of the NFL in passing yards allowed per game. I've got some decent weapons at my disposal (Deion Branch, Bobby Engram, John Carlson, Koren Robinson), and my health is improving, so why not take a chance on me? I'm not starter material by any means, but if you're rolling with Daunte Culpepper (QB, DET) or JaMarcus Russell (QB, OAK), you need to drop those zeroes and get with the hero.
RB
"Gee, that's a nice set of legs. What time do they open?"
Darren McFadden (OAK)
You're lucky you don't get smacked dishing out lines like that. I'll let it slide, however, because I'm desperate for the attention (available in over 30 percent of Yahoo! leagues). My 12 touches and 52 total yards in Week 12 are far from impressive, but I did score two TDs versus the Broncos this past Sunday. More importantly, those scoring runs were both from one yard out -- an indication that at the very least, I'll be the guy the Raiders turn to near the goal-line going forward. On top of that, I'm healthy for what seems like the first time this season (although there's no telling for how long). It's Kansas City, San Diego, New England, and Houston over the next four weeks -- teams who've combined to give up an average of 155.2 total yards and 1.2 TD per game to opposing running backs. With the Raiders having nothing to play for, there's a good chance they’ll start giving me the rock more, to see if I was worth their investment.
"Hi. Can you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street."
Mewelde Moore (PIT)
Bonus points for creativity, but that's a no-go sir. Now, if you're lost at RB, then I can help you. You've already seen how good I can be when given the chance to start, and with Willie Parker aggravating his knee injury versus the Bengals last Thursday, his availability for this Sunday's game at New England is now in question. If you're a Parker owner, hopefully you already had me as insurance. If not, or if you're not a Parker owner but could use a RB, you had better make a beeline for your league's free agent list ASAP-- my availability is quickly evaporating (32 percent of Yahoo! leagues). If I'm given the chance to start this week and beyond, consider yourself warned -- my matchups after this week are pretty brutal (DAL, BAL, TEN in Weeks 14-16). The upside is that I'm extremely versatile and can still pick up yardage and score through the air (hint, hint PPR folks).
"Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good."
Maurice Morris (SEA)
Arrested? You must be thinking about this guy. Although if it were up to Julius Jones, what I did this past weekend would be outlawed. After my 113-total yard, one-TD effort on Sunday, perhaps I should be arrested for stealing the Seattle starting running back job! Okay, let's not get carried away. Remember, coach Holmgren has a hard time sticking with one guy this season, so I wouldn't be surprised to see myself back in a time-share. On the plus-side, Jones hasn't done anything of note since Week Three, and there's something to be said about my performance against a tough Redskins defense in Week 12. Our remaining opponents are pretty tough against the run, but I could be a fill-in against a weak St. Louis defense in Week 15. If you've got some roster flexibility, pick me up and see what happens.
"Was your father an alien? 'Cause there's nothing on this earth quite like you."
Le’Ron McClain (BAL)
No, but I get what you're saying. After all, what other 260-pound, converted fullback do you know that loves contact, but has such soft hands and nifty footwork? I was everybody's sweetheart after accumulating 331 total yards and four TDs in our first four games, but was left for dead after a miserable performance versus the Colts in Week Five. Shortly thereafter, Willis McGahee made his way back onto the field, and Ray Rice decided to steal everybody's thunder with a one-week wonder of a performance (177 total yards in Week Nine). Still, it amazes me that after 12 weeks, the Ravens still haven't come to grips with the truth -- I am the Baltimore running back best suited to carry the load! To be honest, I'm not sure who will get the bulk of the touches this Sunday versus the Bengals. But against that run defense, I should be good for at least one score. As for Weeks 14-16, I can't make any promises. I will say this, however -- with defenses like Dallas and Pittsburgh on the horizon, and a division title on the line, the Ravens are going to need all 260 pounds of Le'Ron to play smashmouth football with the big boys.
 |
With the fantasy playoffs just around the corner, it's time to start looking for alternative energy sources. Photo Credit: Icon SMI |
WR
"You know, the power company is looking for you 'cause you're so electrifying."
Domenik Hixon (NYG)
You must've seen me play against the Cardinals on Sunday, huh? My return game was indeed, electrifying. If you're looking for my output as a wide receiver, refer to my performance in games when the Giants are experiencing a wide-"outage". In the two weeks Plaxico Burress was unable to suit up or play (Week Five and Week 12), I hauled in 10 receptions, 157 receiving yards, and a touchdown. I've got really good speed, good hands, and now, a great opportunity. If Burress misses any more time or is limited because of his hamstring injury, you're looking at a fine WR3 with potential to produce even more. Monitor Burress' status leading up to next week's game, and be ready to pounce if he's ruled out.
"I've got the ship and you've got the harbor. What do you say we tie up for the night."
Davone Bess (MIA)
I hear what you're saying; this might only be a fling. I'm worth a shot though, especially if you're desperate. I'm only a rookie so don't expect the world, but with Greg Camarillo done for the season, someone's got to fill the void left by his team-leading 55 receptions and 613 receiving yards. Brandon London and Ernest Wilford are waiting in the wings, but I should be the first option the Dolphins turn to for help in the passing game. If my five catches and 87 receiving yards versus New England are a sign of things to come, then I should be able to fill in admirably for Camarillo as a PPR option in deeper leagues. Take a wait-and-see approach, and get ready to double click if I can repeat my Week 12 effort this Sunday against St. Louis. Don't worry -- my learning curve shouldn't be too steep. My quarterback is capable of finding me, and after a tough matchup with Buffalo in Week 14, we play San Francisco and Kansas City. Does that sound like something that might interest you?
TE
"I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you."
Heath Miller (PIT)
I too was down and out for a while; about three weeks to be exact. I'm feeling much better now and my ankle injury is officially a thing of the past. Ben Roethlisberger is starting to feel healthy for the first time all year as well. As one of his more reliable targets over the past few years, especially in the end zone (18 receiving TDs from 2005-present), I'd say it is perfect timing. Want proof? How do four grabs, 44 receiving yards and a score in Week 12 sound to you? As long as we're both healthy, you can look for more of the same production each week. We face some tougher defenses down the stretch (Baltimore/Tennessee in Weeks 15 and 16), but I've always played well against the stiffer competition (five TDs in eight career games versus BAL/TEN). I'm available in just about half of Yahoo! leagues, so if you're in need of a tight end that can provide consistent production, and the potential to score a handful of TDs the rest of the way, I'm your guy.
The Pickup Artist reluctantly admits that he wasted two pickup lines on Gus Frerotte (QB, MIN) this season. And for that, he sincerely apologizes. It appears he wasn't worth hitting on once, never mind twice. If there was another bust or breakout performer who the Pickup Artist has helped or hurt you with this season, he'd like to know. Send him an email at
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
and fill him in.
 |
Football 
Subscribe to this comment's feed