We're at season's the halfway point, but in a George Carlin-esque move of rebellion, the MLB moved the All-Star break a week later.  Certainly, every performer knows that the second half of your show has to be shorter than the first.  Why?  Because after the intermission is not the time to force your audience to really settle in for the most grueling part of your drama.  The audience is refreshed yes, but they want you to get to the point...to reach some pinnacle moment.  Musicals are the same way.  And now, so is baseball.  After the break, most teams will have played 94 games or so.  And I'm sure some of the fans would like these teams to get to the point already -- except perhaps some stunning small market teams like the upstart Orioles, Rangers, and Twins.  What about the Pirates and Royals, who are both still playing competitive ball in their respective division?  They're hoping baseball might add a few games.  We're playing in some places where it snows in October anyway, why not add a couple more series to make it interesting?  Not the Diamondbacks though – they wish the season ended after May.

So a Baltimore Sun writer was discussing how the trading deadline becomes a crucial decision-making point and is a tough one for the Orioles, and then I caught the byline: Peter Schmuck.  That's right, Peter Schmuck wrote this article.  At first I had to check my calendar to see if it was April.  I've read lots of schmucks before, but never read an actual guy name Schmuck.  Now I hear him introducing himself like James Bond everywhere, Schmuck, Peter Schmuck.  I could hear a whole George Carlin routine in my head.  Okay, so you're the parents, you're name is Schmuck, and you named your son Peter?  Are you serious?  Peter.  Of all names.  You know, it's possible Carlin would have thought this was just too easy.

We suddenly lost Carlin this week.  He was truly a unique and brilliant observer of human behavior, and one of my greatest comedic influences.  I hear you already retorting, well how come you're never funny?  I'm a Pirates fan, that's why.  We're inherently suspicious and expect the Pirates to trade away what, incredibly enough, is the sixth-ranked scoring offense in all of baseball.  Baseball has a sense of humor… or perhaps torture.  My heart can't take it.  Unfortunately, neither could Carlin's.  And he was a baseball fan, I'm certain of it.  His baseball/football routine is the irrepressible Carlin at his best.  If you don't know of what I speak, the best tribute you can do for anyone who loves word play is to listen to theirs.  More of mine are below, with some Carlin-like humor tossed in.  Happy reading.

OAKLAND ATHLETICS

Week: 3-3          L10: 5-5           Overall: 44-37, 2nd AL West

Jack Hannahan is playing a lot more again, but it's not because he's tearing the cover off the ball.  On Tuesday, it became clear that Eric Chavez's repaired shoulder was hurting.  Though it was revealed only recently, the pain may have started as early as the first interleague series with the Giants.  After beating the Giants 5-3, Chavez said this: "Some days you don't feel as good, and you still try to find a way to contribute offensively. Today was a good day."  Two days later, after going 0-2, Chavez was pulled for Hannahan in the bottom of the sixth during an 11-1 loss with no explanation given.  Not that you're holding Hannahan on your bench, but knowing Chavez's history, this may be a serious issue.  Chavez acted as the DH on June 25 and 26, but he was held out of the lineup altogether on Saturday.  Now the word comes from Chavez himself that he's concerned.  Hey the phone's ringing Eric … it's the DL wondering where you've been.

Carlos Gonzalez added his 13th double to his tally in just 25 games.  Of his 24 hits, 15 of them have gone for extra bases, though he has a rather mundane .264 average.  Regardless, for all your keeper prognosticators, I'd say that, at 22, you're reading about one right now.

Kiko Calero was given his outright release this week, after refusing his assignment back to the minors.  He appeared in five games for Oakland, pitching 4.2 innings and striking out three.  You can't exactly blame someone for not wanting to be in the minors.  The only time the word minor is important is when it's right before the word "surgery" or the word "conflict".   

UPCOMING SERIES: @LAA (6/30-7/2), @CHW (7/3-7/6)

ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
Week: 2-4         L10: 3-7          Overall: 41-41, 1st NL West

In all reality shows, there's a fan favorite, particularly shows like Survivor.  And there's always a point where you're sure you know who the favorite is. Well, after a 28-15 start, at one point owning the best record in baseball, the Diamondbacks are at .500.  Though most folks didn't think they were as good as their record showed, most never expected the 12-25 collapse that has followed.  The arrival of interleague play didn't help any, as the Diamondbacks found themselves up against the hot-hitting Twins, Athletics, and the Eastern-leading Red Sox.   

A couple of weeks back, I discussed Chad Tracy.  At 28, he has already spent a good portion of the last two years on the DL.  Don't mistake his sudden presence in the Diamondbacks lineup as anything more than an interleague hiccup.  Though he's batted .296 with a homer and seven RBI during the last seven games, he's been filling the DH role, a role he'd perhaps be better suited to take on, considering his body is playing like he's 35.

We saw further evidence that Eric Byrnes is not back to full stride on Saturday, as Byrnes hit a dribbler that he'd normally beat out, yet he didn't.  To reiterate from last week, if he gets 20 thefts this year, consider it divine intervention.  Of course, I'm praying my Jennifer Aniston wish comes true, so run Eric, run.

Micah Owings' last outing against Florida continued his streak of rough starts.  In his last four starts, Owings has surrendered 18 earned runs in 19 innings, posting an 0-3 record.  He left Friday's game with a groin strain, and at this point, Melvin might just decide that Owings needs a DL rest until after the All-Star game.  He'd miss two starts -- against Milwaukee (.405 BAA) and Washington (.241 BAA).  Stay tuned to see whether this group gets voted off the island.

UPCOMING SERIES: MIL (6/30-7/3), SDG (7/4-7/6)

FLORIDA MARLINS
Week: 2-4           L10: 4-6           Overall: 42-39, 2nd NL East

You couldn't help but cheer for the Florida Marlins, who have surpassed expectations so far.  In May, they lowered their team ERA one half a run, and the result was a 16-10 flurry that brought them into first place.  With a team ERA that has nudged its way above 5.00 in June, the Marlins fell from first place, going merely 10-15 for the month.  The only pitcher to hold his own, one Ricky Nolasco, has lost only once during this stretch.  In fact, he owns one-third of those victories, having yielded more than three earned runs only once this month and twice since the end of April.  We've covered him previously here at SMM and still don't believe that this will continue, due to his .278 BABIP, 6.3 K/9, and 96 hits in 95.2 IP.  Not good news for the Fish.

Leader of the school, Dan Uggla, sprained his ankle after taking a hard turn at first during Saturday's loss to Arizona.  No word yet on how long he'll be out, but he missed Sunday's game.  For a Marlins team that has managed only fourteen runs this week, this means PANIC! 

Robert Andino filled in the rest of Saturday's game, but Alfredo Amezaga could get some playing time at 2B as well. Lucky for Amezaga that he has been recovering from his groin strain.  There could also be a call up coming for Dallas McPherson, who's doing his best Jack Cust impression in the minors.  In 72 games with Class-AAA Albuquerque, Dallas has clubbed 28 home runs and posted a 1.129 OPS.  However, he's also struck out 93 times.  The other candidate would be Chase Lambin, who is batting .341 with six home runs in 59 games.

And the waters are warming for Josh Johnson's return possibly before the All-Star break.  Johnson has only appeared in one full season in his three years since turning pro.  This time he returns from elbow ligament (Tommy John) surgery.  Let's all repeat the mantra shall we.  Recovery from Tommy John surgery takes a year and a half, and send Jon $100.  Remember it when you expect quality fantasy numbers this year.  Not the second part, the first part.  The second part requires mandatory action.

UPCOMING SERIES: WAS (6/30-7/2), @COL (7/3-7/6)

Austin is currently hitting .462 in the minors and is looking to get back to the bigs soon. Photo Credit: dbking

WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Week: 3-3          L10: 4-6         Overall: 33-50, 5th NL East

Our own Matt Greber alluded to the new ABC show Wipe Out in this week's, THE THINKING CHAIR. Both that show and I Survived a Japanese Game Show are descendants of a dubbed Japanese/Korean production (that aired on late night F/X) called Extreme Elimination Challenge, wherein contestants would kill themselves participating in stupid contests. Well, it would seem the Nationals team has already been put through an extreme elimination challenge, as they are dropping like flies.  For the second time in as many years, it's been determined Nick Johnson will miss the remainder of the season.  Ryan Zimmerman, who was originally supposed to come off the DL June 11, will miss another 4-6 weeks with his labrum tear.  Paul LoDuca, who already missed time earlier this year with a broken hand, made an appearance in left field, and it freaked him out so much that he left in the second inning with light-headedness.  He later said it was food poisoning.  Shawn Hill, who I profiled last week, went on the DL with a sore elbow, and Lastings Milledge joined him after straining his groin Saturday.  I'm not going to the new Nationals Park no matter how safe they say it is.  I'd rather go on the show.

The only good news was that Odalis Perez returned from being hurt long enough to toss 76 pitches in four scoreless innings and garner a no-decision.  Austin Kearns is feeling all right in his rehab stint in Class-A Hagerstown and may return the first week of July.

Willie Harris is now a full-timer and likely will become second base eligible.  The problem is, whereas Harris hovered at .300 for most of last year before declining in August and September, he's been in decline since opening day this season.  Though he has good speed, Harris is only good for steals in the early part of the order, as in 2007, he stole 12 of his 16 bases from the first and second spots.  While he has a few steals this year in the bottom third, he's less likely to run himself out of an inning with Christian Guzman lighting it up the way he is.  He also has a huge disparity between how he hits lefties and righties, with nearly a 100 point differential.  Ironically, Harris is still getting in the game, even though Felipe Lopez finished the Nationals' recent road trip batting .379.  Rumor is the Lopez might be traded to Baltimore, which in turn could add more fodder to the rumors about Brian Roberts, but we'll save that for later.

Tyler Clippard will return from Class-AAA to replace Hill in the rotation.  Clippard was 1-1 with a 4.65 ERA in two starts this year, while striking out 8 in just over 10 innings.  He also walked 7 and was the victim of two home runs.  He's a "pass" until he can find his control.

UPCOMING SERIES: @FLA (6/30-7/2), @CIN (7/3-7/6)

BALTIMORE ORIOLES
Week: 3-2             L10: 5-5           Overall: 41-39, 4th AL East

I did finish the article by Mr. Schmuck, and his discussion about nobody guessing the Orioles would be two games over .500 right now is cogent.  Certainly, Dave Trembley has to be wondering how it's happened, especially when you become only the second team to win a series in Wrigley, and then proceed to lose two-of-three to Washington.  On paper, it appeared the Orioles offense would be improved this year, particularly if Adam Jones could get better as the year went on.  No one was expecting 35-year-old Jay Payton to be playing as anything more than a veteran backup.  Payton hasn't let his platoon situation keep him from having an impact.  For the month of June, he has hit at a .306 clip, driven in 15, and added two home runs. 

No one knows if all the trade speculation about Brian Roberts simply pumped him up or if he just is peaking at age 30.  He must be hearing the talk from across the river about Felipe Lopez, but he's not letting it bother him.  Roberts had his 14-game hitting streak come to an end against the Nationals, but he still finds himself hitting .293 at the halfway point.  Traditionally, the switch-hitting Roberts has hit better from the left side of the plate.  This year the disparity is 10 average points, but it's in favor of him batting from the right.  His 29 doubles are a career best for the first half. 

For those that expected Luke Scott to go away, he hasn't.  His 14 home runs pace the team, and he's second on the ballclub in OPS.  Let's label him as 'emerging'.

Lastly, Matt Albers is now feared lost for the season with a torn labrum.  It's a crushing blow to a taxed bullpen.  He had six holds in eight chances, and was a reliable spot starter when needed.  Fernando Cabrera gets the call up from AAA-Norfolk. The 26-year-old RHP Cabrera holds a 0.69 ERA in 11 games, with 13 strikeouts in 13 innings.  

UPCOMING SERIES:  KC (6/30-7/3), TEX (7/4-7/6)

PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Week: 2-3         L10: 4-6           Overall: 38-43, 5th, NL Central

For some teams, injuries just prior to the All-Star break actually provide an opportunity to bring up young talent for an audition.  Joining Ian Snell and Phil Dumatrait on the DL is long reliever Franquelis Osoria.   The Pirates used the roster space to audition two young pitchers this week.  James Barthmaier was first up against the Rays on Friday.  Unfortunately for him, 2.1 IP and seven earned runs later, it was over, and Barthmaier was on his way back to AAA-Indianapolis.  Barthmaier was in Double-A just a month ago, but will stay with the Indians in Triple-A.  Ty Taubenheim filled his spot on Saturday, bringing with him a 4-9 record and 61 strikeouts in 90 IP for Indianapolis.  For those of you who saw Cinderella Man, Taubenheim is a Craig Bierko (Max Baer) clone at 6'5", 255.  He hurls about 90 miles an hour with a sinker and a slider.  His final stat line for the day: 6 IP, 7 H, 2 ER, 4 K, 3 BB.  I think he's earned himself another start.  He also drove in a run.

In another wonderful karmic twist, the Pirates acquired Denny Bautista from the Tigers for a Class-A reliever, only to have Bautista get struck on the arm by a come-backer.  His status is now day-to-day.  John Van Benschoten is also likely to return some time next week.  The Bucs have much more invested in Van Benschoten, their first pick of the 2001 draft.  Expect to see him more in the second half, even though he has yet to make an impact at the big league level. 

Xavier Nady returned from the DL to pinch hit earlier in the week, and then he started his first game on Saturday.  There don't appear to be any lingering problems with the shoulder, as Nady had two doubles and hit 3-for-8 over the weekend.

UPCOMING SERIES: @CIN (6/30-7/2), @MIL (7/4-7/6)

TEXAS RANGERS
Week: 3-3          L10: 6-4          Overall: 42-41, 3rd AL West

Much like a contestant on Wipeout swinging through the human cutout wall, Max Ramirez wasted little time making an impact at the major-league level.  In his second start, Ramirez clubbed two hits, including the game-winning two-run jack off Roy Oswalt in the fourth.  Ron Washington also tested the recent Double-A call-up at first base, starting him there on Thursday.  It's no secret that the Rangers are searching desperately for someone to add some power at that right corner.  Ramirez is no doubt a research project with both Gerald Laird and Hank Blalock on the DL.  Not to be outdone, Chris Davis was called up from Class-AAA Oklahoma and smacked his first big league home run in Thursday's victory over the Phillies.  Davis was hitting .333 in the minors, slamming 10 home runs in just 31 games.  He also had two stolen bases.  Ironically, both home runs figured in the outcome of the game, as each ended as a one-run victories for the Rangers.   

Two weeks after Eric Hurley was brought up, he logged his fourth start in the rubber match against the Phillies on Sunday.  In three starts, Hurley has averaged a hit per inning, while striking out 9 and walking 5 in 17 IP.  He's sporting a 4.24 ERA, and although he's 0-1, the Rangers lost all three games.  Things could worsen, as his BABIP to date is .259, while his GB/FB is 0.4.  The warning signs are there that his numbers will elevate.

UPCOMING SERIES: @NYY (6/30-7/2), @BAL (7/4-7/6)

TAMPA BAY RAYS
Week: 5-1         L10: 7-3        Overall: 49-32, 1st AL EAST

The Rays feasted on the Fish this week, outscoring the Marlins 27-8.  Carlos Pena returns to the 11th-ranked offense, replacing Ben Zobrist.  However, Pena has never found the stroke that saw him power 46 homers last year.  For those who have faith, take note that Pena had only 33 entering the final month of 2007.  That means he clubbed a quarter of his homeruns in September.  It's not likely to happen again, but since he's a better second-half player, it's not impossible that he still gets you 30 round-trippers and mid-80's RBI, barring another injury or setback.  Joe Maddon is expected to bat Pena lower in the order until he returns to full strength.

Though Troy Percival garnered four saves in four tries this month, his numbers haven't exactly been encouraging.  Besides the fact that he sports a 0.3 GB/FB ratio, Percival has yielded an earned run in his last two appearances, elevating his ERA over 3.00.  Paul Bourdett pointed out in PECKING ORDER that Troy may not have the healthiest of hamstrings.  Considering he's 38, I'd pay close attention to Troy's next few outings.

After 81 games, the Rays are the stunning owners of first place in the East.

UPCOMING SERIES:  BOS (6/30-7/2), KC (7/4-7/7)

COLORADO ROCKIES
Week: 0-6           L10: 2-8           Overall: 32-50, 4th NL West

It seems Ubaldo Jimenez has experienced his share of bad luck this year.  He leads the team in strikeouts, which would probably mean a lot more if he didn't also sport a 2-8 record and 4.71 ERA.  According to Yahoo Sports, Jimenez has received the fourth-lowest run support of any pitcher in the NL, with the team averaging just 3.27 runs in his games started.  It's not completely shocking, as Colorado's offense is ranked 24th.  However, Jimenez's 57 walks in 93.2 IP haven't helped his cause either and are a good part of the reason he has a 1.59 WHIP.

Micah Bowie refused his assignment to Class-AAA Colorado Springs and finds himself as a free agent.  According to the Rocky Mountain News, Glendon Rusch or Cedrick Bowers seem to be tops among possible LHPs to be added to the Rockies bullpen.

Since being acquired from the Royals on April 30, the experiment that was Jorge De La Rosa has not succeeded.  At 27, he's showing promise with his control, as his K/BB ratio is 2.53 and his dominance ratio is nearly 10.  Yet he owns a 2-4 record with a 6.23 ERA.  Part of the problem is that he's been haunted by the long ball, an added travail when pitching in Colorado.  But his HR/9 rate is 1.46, very high.  He's clearly a future candidate for strikeouts if he can learn to keep the ball in the park.

With Clint Barmes return to full-time action, Ian Stewart was sent back down to Triple-A Colorado Springs.  Stewart's average had fallen to a pedestrian .218, and he struck out nearly half the time, but seven of his 13 hits were for extra bases.  At 23, Stewart is one to keep an eye on. When he actually makes contact, he has good pop in his bat.
 
UPCOMING SERIES: SDG (6/30-7/2), FLA (7/3-7/6)

KANSAS CITY ROYALS
Week: 4-2           L10: 7-3          Overall: 37-45. Tied 4th, AL Central

For the Royals, interleague play couldn't have come soon enough.  The Royals are 11-3 for the second round of crisscross, and their starting pitchers have factored wins in 10 of their 11 victories. 

For years, fantasy owners and Royal fans wondered if David DeJesus would ever be worthy of the crown once bestowed upon him as the future of this team.  Well, get the man a throne, because DeJesus has simply exploded in June for a .366 average, a .433 OBP, and an unlikely .613 SLG.  He's also stolen another three bases for the month, putting him on pace to break his career high of 10.  DeJesus sports a 1.42 K/BB ratio and has been punched out a miniscule 30 times in 256 at-bats.  No doubt he's on a bit of hot streak, as his BABIP is .332 compared to a career number of .317.  He has few walks, so his high OBP is because his contact rate is 88%.

Earlier this year, I touched on how I thought Mark Grudzielanek's back injury would rear its ugly head all year. Sure enough, though "Grudz" was back in the lineup Sunday, he missed several games this week with a sore back.  This is your second warning on his health.  And Alberto Callaspo owners can feel free to drop the newly released utility man after he picked up a DUI this weekend.  That leaves room for a Billy Butler recall--he has been stroking at a .337 pace with five home runs in 101 at-bats while down on the farm.

Gil Meche seems to have returned to form in a wicked way in June, garnering 28 strikeouts in 32.1 IP while giving up only 25 hits.  He's dropped his ERA almost a full run for the month, and his WHIP has fallen to 1.32.  It's time to add him to your staff, period.  He's only owned in 17% of ESPN mixed leagues.

UPCOMING SERIES: @BAL (6/30-7/3), @TAM (7/4-7/7)

MINNESOTA TWINS
Week: 5-1           L10: 9-1          Overall: 45-37, 2nd AL Central

Is there a team more mysterious than the Twins?  I mean, if you asked anyone besides the truly baseball faithful, would any of them know the names of any Twins aside from Joe Mauer and maybe Justin Morneau?  With everyone laughing that the team could never replace ace Johan Santana, the Twins stole away their first bonafide base-stealing threat since Chuck Knoblauch, as well as three strong pitching prospects.  The biggest knock on Chris Gomez is his paltry .296 OBP, and speed is never a question mark with him.   

For any team to win, players have to often step into realms they're not familiar with.  Who would have thought that Jason Kubel would be tied with Morneau for the most home runs on the team in 74 fewer at-bats?  He's also plated the second most runs on the team with 41 and scored the fourth most runs at 40.  He's beyond emerging.  Let's label him as a 'breakout'.

On the pitcher's side of things, Boof Bonser has moved to the bullpen, an unfamiliar role for him.  No doubt, the stint is doctoring his numbers, as entering June, he'd logged 11.2 IP out of the pen, striking out 15 and walking only 4.  Whereas his K/9 ratio was 5.5 and 5.9 in April and May (respectively), Bonser's shorter stints of late have elevated his dominance to 11.57.  He still holds an overly healthy 6.23 ERA and has given up 21 hits in that same time.  The past three years have been a whirling dervish for Bonser, who, at 26, has been called a disappointment amid recurring speculation that he'd be traded.  Expect the Twins to use him in the bullpen in an attempt to rebuild his confidence.  Unfortunately for Bonser, he's on a contender, and with Francisco Liriano lurking in the wings, Ron Gardenhire may not be able to wait him out.

Alexei Casilla's finger has heeled, and he was expected back in the lineup Sunday.  But delicate Michael Cuddyer looks like he will be headed to the DL, as the strained tendon in his left index finger isn't looking heeled. Outfielder Denard Span is expected to be recalled to take Cuddyer's place.

UPCOMING SERIES: DET (6/30-7/2), CLE (7/4-7/6)

Jonathan Phillips grew up memorizing the routines of comics like George Carlin, Steve Martin, Abbott & Costello, and Eddie Murphy.  He'd share them with you, but he's got so many stats running through his head that he forgot them.  So send reminders or baseball comments to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

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