We here at RotoExperts aren’t in the business of reviewing movies, but I’ve got one for you anyway, and it ties into fantasy football. A documentary on the late Clash front man Joe Strummer titled The Future is Unwritten was just released on DVD. Through no fault or foresight of his own, Strummer has provided us with the perfect soundtrack to Brett Favre’s on-again, off-again retirement conundrum. The title of the documentary can obviously be applied to the situation which Favre is facing, as no one knows the outcome of his decision as of this writing. And though it may be a bit cliché, the Clash’s seminal “Should I Stay or Should I Go” provides the perfect soundtrack to Favre’s un-retirement party. “This indecision’s bugging me/If you don’t want me, set me free.” Everybody sing along now, “Should I stay or should I go?!”

Photo Credit: lacotom

For all the fine words of his retirement press conference, Favre will not retire willingly. It will take a major injury to get him off the field. Why? Well, I’ve been to his hometown of Hattiesburg, Mississippi many times, and I have to tell you, it’s the most spectacularly dull place on Earth. Dreams go there to die. A hot Saturday night in Hattiesburg (they’re all hotter than hell) is gorging on sides of beef and the Bloomin’ Onion at Outback Steakhouse, followed by “Death by Ice Cream” at the Cold Stone Creamery. It’s pretty easy to get fat in Hattiesburg. After having 70,000 fans scream his name week after week, year after year, now Favre’s gonna go back to Deadsville, USA, permanently? He’s going to spend his days riding a tractor around his farm and digging into ice cream with his sensitive teeth while on a married folk date with Deanna? I think not. It’s good for a respite in the off season, but not for the rest of his life; at least not when he has other options.

It’s probable that Favre will go stir crazy in this situation, get back on the pills, and wind up on the police blotter after a wild night of getting tanked up at a frat bar with some unsuspecting U. of Southern Mississippi co-eds. Next thing you know, he’ll be shilling panty hose and asking Suzy Kolber if he can kiss her on TV.

As it stands, the Packers will likely be forced to release Favre. They’ve made it clear that they don’t want him back, and that Aaron Rodgers is their starter now. The horse has left the barn on Favre’s comeback, and his trade value is null. Why would any team trade for a 39 year old quarterback with a $12 million salary, no matter what his pedigree is, when you could wait until his release and work out a separate salary deal?

What are the fantasy implications of this situation? Where could Favre wind up playing? It certainly won’t be in Green Bay. Here are the most likely scenarios:

Minnesota Vikings
Oh, this would be ugly. I can’t see how the Packers would let him go play for a divisional rival, but they may not have a choice.  For Favre, Minnesota would be a great fit. Coach Brad Childress runs a familiar system, and the presence of RB Adrian Peterson would preclude the need to rely on Favre and the passing game too heavily.  New addition at receiver Bernard Berrian is a nice deep threat, and young WR Sidney Rice could develop into a solid player with some decent quarterbacking. What about current QB Tarvaris Jackson? Other than his momma, who cares about him, really? To be brutally honest, he’s the only thing standing between the Vikings and a Super Bowl run. If the Vikings bring Favre in, they can pack their bags for Tampa and the Super Bowl. They’ve got plenty of salary cap room to make it happen, too.

Kansas City Chiefs
It makes sense for the Chiefs, but why would Favre want to get beaten half to death behind an offensive line that can’t block an Arena League pass rush? No, if Favre is going to play, it’s going to be for a team with a shot of making the Super Bowl. Can you see a Herman Edwards-coached team going to the Super Bowl? Me neither.

Miami Dolphins
This is actually funnier than the Chiefs suggestion. The Dolphins stink with bells on, and Bill Parcells knows it. They’d rather let either John Beck or Chad Henne take his lumps while learning on the job.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers
For all the respect that QB Jeff Garcia has earned, he has led exactly zero teams to Super Bowls. Now he’s squawking about his salary. You think Coach Jon Gruden wouldn’t push Garcia in front of a moving bus to get Favre on board? Gruden loves to catch him some veteran QBs, and this is the biggest fish of all time in that category. He’d fit in well with the personnel, probably even well enough to help WR Michael Clayton regain the form of his rookie year. The Bucs could be looking at the first home town Super Bowl ever with Favre on board. Wouldn’t that please the Tampa Tourism Board! On top of that, it’s a short flight home from Tampa to Hattiesburg.

New York Jets
Hmmm…interesting, but they have no realistic shot at overtaking the Patriots in the AFC East. Next!

Atlanta Falcons
Wouldn’t this be a wild “homecoming” to the team that drafted Favre? QB Matt Ryan probably wouldn’t mind taking a year or two to learn at the knee of the master, either. The Falcons have some solid skill players, but the O-line looks like it’s coached by former FEMA director Michael “Heckuva Job, Brownie” Brown. Ultimately, Favre won’t do it. 

Chicago Bears
Yet another Packers divisional foe, so this would be a tough pill for Green Bay management to swallow. This probably doesn’t happen, since the Bears have battered wife syndrome in relation to QB Rex Grossman.

Baltimore Ravens
Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner! The Ravens are the most likely destination for Favre for several reasons. First, they are not in the NFC. Heads would roll in Green Bay management if Favre quarterbacked another team to beat the Packers in the playoffs. If he plays, it will be in the AFC. Second, with the Ravens, Favre might be able to make some noise. The Ravens are far more talented than their 5-11 record last year would indicate. The defense is still pretty good, problems at CB aside. Sure, the O-line might be kinda sketchy, but RB Willis McGahee is solid, and I’m sure Favre can drag a few last gasps of breath out of WR Derrick Mason’s old bones. Lastly, first round draftee QB Joe Flacco is not quite ready for prime time. You don’t go from playing the Richmond Spiders and William & Mary Tribe in the “NCAA Division I Football Championship Subdivision” to playing the Pittsburgh Steelers without some growing pains. A season of taking it all in would be good for the kid. The Ravens would have to make a bit of cap room for this to happen, but I’m sure they’d dig deep into the sofa cushions to find it somewhere.

Mike Gilbert is incredibly glad that he didn’t move to Hattiesburg when that situation was presented to him. South Philly represent! You can contact him with all your Gulf Coast pub crawl inquiries at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .

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