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Earnest Graham a top five running back? Andre Johnson done? Now those are some "Big Fat Claims". I don't know if mine can measure up but, in the immortal words of Prince, I’ll be damned if I don't try. And besides, who better to give you the very definition of “big” and “fat”, than someone like me who’s, well, let’s just say… pleasantly plump.
I originally planned to do 20 “Big Fat Claims,” but several of them wound up on the cutting room floor. Reasons varied, but I made sure to eliminate anything that seemed too easy to predict (DeShaun Foster will get hurt) or just down right impossible (LenDale White will lead the league in rushing). What you’re left with here are 10 big ones which I’ve gone out on a limb to project (a cottage-cheesy, cellulite-filled limb, of course), and that are sure to elicit doubts about my sanity. One more thing. I’m not just picking crazy to be crazy here. Let me state unequivocally that I truly believe all of the claims below will come to fruition, and by season's end, they won’t look so “big” and “fat” after all (and if this treadmill is doing what it’s supposed to do, I won’t either). Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some chub rub to deal with. Enjoy!  | | Ricky is in his 6th year with Miami and holds a career 4.0 YPC average. Photo Credit: ljrs2000 |
Pudgy Prognostication #1
Ricky Williams will lead the Dolphins in rushing this season. Does it get any bolder than that? I'm not just throwing it out there either; my people on the ground in Miami are starting to think the same. And why not? This is a former Heisman Trophy winner we're talking about. The funny thing about this claim is that I really like Ronnie Brown. But when's the last time a running back returned from a torn ACL in less than a year and actually produced? Edgerrin James and Terrell Davis couldn't do it; I don't think Brown can either. He's hardly the physical specimen those guys were when they got hurt, and he hasn't exactly been a model of health since he entered the league. To be clear, I'm not advocating that you draft Ricky Williams. I just think he'll out produce Brown in 2008. Corpulent Claim #2
Calvin Johnson will finish as a top 10 fantasy receiver this season. You want numbers? Try these on for size: 75 receptions, 1,200 yards, eight touchdowns. And I'm being conservative with the TD total. Portly Prediction #3
Marion Barber III will lead all NFL running backs in touchdowns. That's right. Not LaDainian Tomlinson, and not Adrian Peterson. While I'm pimping "The Barbarian", allow me to project 1,500 total yards from scrimmage. Fleshy Forecast #4
Who's down with PUP? Yeah you know me! Kevin Jones will be irrelevant this season. I'll even take it one step further and say he doesn't play one down. Plump Projection #5
Chris Simms will be more productive for fantasy teams than Rex Grossman, Alex Smith, Tarvaris Jackson, and Troy Smith. Simms will start for some team at some point this year, and he'll put up serviceable numbers when he does. Rotund Reality #6
Much respect due to Ben Ice, but I'm going with Scott Engel here -- Tom Brady will come within three touchdowns of last year's record-setting 50. I'm not sure which side of 50 he'll finish on, but I can't find a single reason why he can't do it again. Stout Statement #7
Brady Quinn will supplant Derek Anderson as Cleveland's starting QB sometime in 2008. Remember, Anderson completed less than 57 percent of his passes last season (good for 28th in the NFL) and threw 19 interceptions (tied for second-most in the league), so it's not as far-fetched as one might think.  | | Looking pretty Fresh and Clean, Larry is looking to rebound back to stud RB form. Photo Credit: gamerscoreblog |
Behemoth Beatitude #8
“Blessed are those who draft Larry Johnson, as he will return to the elite in 2008.”
Offensive line woes and a shaky QB situation left LJ battered and bruised in 2007, but he still managed to accumulate almost 750 yards of total offense with four touchdowns in only eight games. Yes, the Chiefs are still in rebuilding mode, but they're also going to depend heavily on the run. And Herm Edwards won't be so reckless with Johnson this season, because he'll use Kolby Smith and/or Jamaal Charles to help keep Larry fresh and to provide a change of pace for opposing defenses. Johnson won't quite reach his 2005-06 numbers, but I'll mark him down for 1,400 yards rushing and 12 TDs in 2008. Porcine Prophecy #9
I know I'm alone on an island with this one: WR Chris Henry will be reinstated by the NFL, sign with another team, and provide excellent fantasy value (sleeper alert) the minute he gets back on the field. Don't ask me when; I can't predict everything. Obese Outlook #10
Brett Favre never throws another NFL pass. It's too messy, just too messy. Paul Bourdett will stand by his claims no matter what. If you think he's absolutely nuts for making any of these claims, or if you want to hold him accountable for them at the end of the season, send him an email at
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