Brad Rysz rattles off 20 Big Fat Claims for the upcoming NFL season. Remember when you were five and your mom hid the permanent marker in the house, because you used to draw nonsense all over the walls? Well, after years and years of searching, I finally found that marker, and I’m writing 20 Big Fat Claims with my big, black Super Sharpie. 20. Larry Fitzgerald will lead the NFL in receiving yards. Not only will he become my newest man-love (joining Leonardo DiCaprio), but he will be the most valuable fantasy wide receiver not named Randy Moss. 19. Tarvaris Jackson will incredibly manage to post a negative score for someone's fantasy team AT LEAST one week this season. 18. Marshawn Lynch will go all "Beast Mode" on NFL defenses, becoming a sure-fire top five pick in 2009 drafts. Not sure what "Beast Mode" means? Check out Rick Schwartz and our friends over at Yahoo! Sports. It’s hilarious. Trust me.
17. Despite his failed fashion statement (heinous neck beard) and propensity for drunken photographs, Kyle Orton will win the Bears starting QB job and be a decent fantasy backup. 16. He will never be the second coming of Antonio Gates as some NFL scouts have claimed, but Vernon Davis will be a top five tight end this season.  | | Kim K. is always welcome in a Big Fat Claim piece. Photo Credit: mr.sha |
15. With the support of myself and curvaceous girlfriend Kim Kardashian, Reggie Bush will prove worthy of the No. 2 pick in the 2006 draft. I’m talking 1,100 rushing yards, 850 receiving yards, and 10 total touchdowns. 14. Derek Anderson is legit. Not top-five legit, but legit enough that Brady Quinn will soon be demanding a trade. 13. Although frustratingly inconsistent, Chad Johnson’s final stats will be better than that of T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Ocho Cinco’s new biography, Chad: I Can’t Be Stopped, will also become a best-seller! That's not a joke. Look it up on Amazon. 12. Speaking of USC running backs selected in the 2006 NFL draft, LenDale White will build on his 2007 success, delivering an injury-free 1,200 rushing yard, nine touchdown season. 11. Santonio Holmes is this year’s Braylon Edwards. 10. Anthony Gonzalez is this year’s Wes Welker. 9. Alge Crumpler is back! That’s right. Who benefits when Vince Young runs aimlessly around the Tennessee backfield looking for no-name receivers? Alge! 8. Ben Roethlisberger is locked, loaded, and ready for take off. 3,600 yards, 35 TDs. 7. Brandon Jacobs will not top 600 rushing yards. I want nothing to do with any Giant running back. 6. Vincent Jackson will gain 1,000 receiving yards. Check out his playoff performances from last season. 5. Darren McFadden will gain 1,000 rushing yards. Sorry, but I’m not buying what Lane Kiffin is selling… Justin Fargas is the No. 1 back? Yeaaaaaah. OK. And Kate Bosworth isn’t the hottest girl on Earth. 4. Jamal Lewis will continue to be the most underappreciated running back in the fantasy world. 1,200 yards, eight touchdowns. 3. Antwaan Randle El will catch 75 passes this season. 2. Patrick Crayton will quietly gain 1,000 yards with eight touchdowns. 1. On a chilly October night at Wrigley Field, Jeff Samardzija will strike out Jason Bay in the top of the ninth inning, as the Chicago Cubs beat the Boston Red Sox in Game 5 of the World Series. 100 years of futility will be flushed down the toilet, and Cubs fans everywhere will rejoice. A few days later, Samardzija will throw on the pads and catch eight balls for 112 yards and two TDs, as the Bears beat the Lions at Soldier Field. Now THAT is a Big Fat Claim!  | | "The Roethlisberger" from Peppi's in Pittsburgh = 2 pounds of ground beef, hot sausage, fried onions, scrambled egg and American cheese. Yummy. Photo Credit: Ram-Man |
Know of any other funny NFL player YouTube videos? Dare to tell Brad who is hotter than Kate Bosworth? Want to simply tell him that his claims are bogus? Email Brad at
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