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What Does Danica Patrick’s Divorce Mean for You?

Mike Cardano Senior Fantasy Analyst November 21, 2012 7:00AM EDT

"C'mon, race me..."

I don’t watch reality TV shows. I simply don’t get anything out of watching someone else live. Sitcoms like, How I Met Your Mother, Seinfeld or All in the Family (I have no idea how old you are) are different. Those shows are contrived and scripted for entertainment. Reality shows are simply a recording of people going about their affairs. The more eff’ed up their life is, the higher the ratings. I get how it works, it just doesn’t interest me. Tabloid reporting or gossip is the same thing. I don’t care what problems someone else is having. I’ve got my own things to deal with and if I don’t pay attention to my own stuff and I’m paying attention to theirs, pretty soon I’ll have those very same problems.

Looking at it from that standpoint, I always laugh when I read an article put out by the Associated Press “reporting” that a celebrity is getting divorced. It’s not news; it’s merely an account of someone’s personal circumstances. So yesterday, when I read that Danica Patrick is now driving solo, I thought, “What the hell are they telling me for? I didn’t even know she was married.” Then in the evening when I went to my son’s basketball game, I found that I was practically the only father in the stands that didn’t have a Woodrow over the fact that Danica was now available. I felt like I was back in High School where the hottest girl in the school just became obtainable and the boys all huddled around the lunchroom table describing to each other in great detail how they were going to accomplish a once in a lifetime conquest.

Wait, is that milk?

Don’t get me wrong, I think Danica is hot, but it’s not like I was planning on calling her before, and frankly my plans haven’t changed now. Apparently I’m in the minority however because I met no less than 10 dads last night who felt this was their chance. There I was, back in High School again except this time we were in the gym instead of the lunch room. I can tell you this; yesterday couldn’t have possibly been the first time that many of these dads thought how things would go down if they had their opportunity with Ms. Patrick.

Some of the planed details that these fine gents pictured occurring were described in such vivid detail that there was no question their thoughts had to be refined and perfected at least a dozen times. In order to describe the hypothetical happenstances so eloquently, they simply had to be. Adding some color to the topic, suffice it to say, it seems that just about every dad had a common theme planned and had factored into their assumption model that Danica is a very flexible person… I’m just saying…

So did I just come across a pocket of horny men with 10 & 11-year old kids or is this pretty much a universal thought among men of every age everywhere right now? Inquiring minds want to know. What does Danica Patrick’s divorce mean to you?


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